Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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