It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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