spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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