I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
