i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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