she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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