I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
