A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
