So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
