you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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