I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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