Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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