i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
