Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
