Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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