am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is Oprah even human
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
