Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
