As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
