she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
