i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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