Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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