Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You are a genius and a whore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
