my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
