At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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