Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
