No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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