She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
