I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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