Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
