You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
