ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
