walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
