If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
