just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
