I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
