I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
