just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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