glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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