how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
