One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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