CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize