What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't deserve a penis
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
