How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
