When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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