the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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