I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
