and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
