Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
