That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
