Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
