I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
