yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
