I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
