I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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