The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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