I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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