speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
