you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
