guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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