I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
