First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
