we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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