Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
