just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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