9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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