Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
