I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize