Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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