I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
