Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
