I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
