hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
