Someone shit on the floor
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
