I met the friendliest cop last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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