Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.