I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
