i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits