Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
