Well douche your snatch and let's go!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.