1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.