Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
