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• (415): View more from California

  I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Even my vagina gasped.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian

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• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (909): View more from California

  I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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• (281): View more from Texas

  When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.

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• (310): View more from California

  you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again

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