zippers are such a cool invention
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
