Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
