you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
