I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
