nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
