I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
