I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
