I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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