I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
