she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
