The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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