I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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