ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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