y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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