i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
