I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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