First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
